| wow its been eons |
[Nov. 8th, 2006|11:07 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | RWC computer lab | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | to intense quiet that is driving me bonkers. | ] |
yeah, so it has been an extremely long time since i last posted. Needless to say...not as long as my last lapse in posting.
what can i say right now? I scraped up a $50 deposit for the Katrina Releif trip in Mississippi, only to find out that they cancelled my trip. So I had the money put into the Habitat for Humanity trip. That is not where i felt called to go. Luckily I was able to get the Katrina trip back on with the help of some people very special to me. But now, unfortunately i cannot get my $50 back. I am relatively upset about that. I feel like i shouldn't be. The $50 is going to the Habitat team and that's a good cause. It's just that $50 is so much, especially for me. It was all i could do to scrounge it up for the first time around, and how am i going to get another $50 in just 2 weeks for my trip? I pray that i can come into money and have the disgretion to use it wisely.
I really do feel that i am called to missions and it is hard to understant why the opportunities are not opening up the way i feel they should. i know God has the master plan and that his will is the best way, i just have trouble finding what exactly his will is for my life. The only thing that i am sure about is that my purpose is to serve. my purpose is to put all Gods' people before myself. I just don't understant what it is yet that i am supposed to DO to serve. I thought it was missions. SO why is everything so difficult? |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 13th, 2006|12:31 pm] |
Yeah, so Monday night offically kicked butt. It was Rachel's birthday so we had to sneak a surprise party in between finals. Finals week is not exactly my cup of tea. But it was wicked fun. Kristen bought a cake and we chilled in Mohnkern (Kristen and Kacy's dorm) We had a cake fight with George. Then we reminisced about the schoolyear. Wow. i have the coolest friends EVER!
THEN...we played Sardines outside in the dark. There were 8 of us playing and we used the whole North Campus. The 4 roads were our boundaries. It was really hard though, we had to use our cell phones. HAHAHA! We then proceded to "fork" Arnold's lawn. Some of us had never forked before so some of hte forks were in the ground prongs-down, while others were prong-up.
Oh yeah, and campus security came up while we were climbing a tree, and made us get out. Dang security ruining all our fun! |
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| Yo...whaddup?! |
[May. 1st, 2006|11:02 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | RWC | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  dorky | ] |
Wow! i boycotted my Live Journal for 2 years. Holy crap, it's weird. I think I'm going to start blogging again. Ryan is my ispiration. Hey friends, write to me! :-) |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 1st, 2006|11:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  shocked | ] |
hayley hasnt written in 2 years! -ryan goo |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2004|05:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Giving In~Adema | ] |
Grrrr! Why does life have to be such a chore? This life is really starting to test my integrity. This life is not an actual life, but a similar type thing that has a predetermined outcome unbeknownsed to me. It is an intricate path laid out by some superior being trying his hand at a self imposed game in which i am a pawn that can be moved any direction at a crazy whim.
How much longer do i have to eat what is constantly piled onto my plate? There is a point in which something is saturated to its total capacity just before one more drop, one more particle is emitted to make it explode. If ever a human being could reach that point, then that is where i am. The worst possible scenario is that i could turn out to be like my parents, and put my children through the greif and torment that was my own, and still is. Despite the profound suckiness of my life-type thing, i never really thought i would actually live to see the day that i would be 22 years old, without a car, without a liscense, having to answer to my parents beck and call, and without a dime to my name. But the worst part is, there is nothing tangeable to cling to. The people who i thought loved me, actually don't, and the people who i thought were my friends are nowhere to be found. I'm tired of fighting. Maybe i should just give in.
silhouettes above the cradle hold me down
they won't let me go the wrong way
my mother taught me all the fables, told me how
in the end all the sinners have to pay
but...
i don't wanna live like my mother
i don't wanna let fear rule my life
and i don't wanna live like my father
i don't wanna give up before i die
he worked so hard his bones are breaking
he wore them down but long ago he lost the feeling
his good intentions leave me shaking, show me how
i don't ever want to end up like he did
and...
when i have kids
i won't put any chains on their wrists, i won't
i'll tell them this
there's nothing in this world that you can't be if you want it enough
~~~Smile Empty Soul, my newest fettish |
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| 4th of July |
[Jul. 6th, 2004|04:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Save Tonight~Eagle Eye Cherry | ] |
Hmmm. The 4th was aiight. I helped my grandmother with her garage sale and made 9 bucks. Yippie skippie. Then my friend Dion had a party at his house with all their friends and relatives. We got to watch fireworks..the really awesome colorful kind cuz these two guys came over and shot some off for us. No drinky this time. This is my day off from work and i'm wasting my day doing nothing. This is becomming a pain. i really want to keep a journal but computer access is seldom, and i dont really like my personal thoughts on display so i fill it up with mumbo jumbo garbage. Yeah |
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| birthday and some more |
[Jun. 27th, 2004|09:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Thing That Should Not Be~Metallica | ] |
Today i went to K-Mart to buy some clothes for work. i was excited cuz i got stuff on sale. The pants were marked down to $5 and the others were $6. the boxers i bought were $7.99. They had smiley faces and little guitars on them. Yeah, it's official. im done with Weggies and now i'm a cleaning lady at the Middle School. Well at least its full time and $7.00/hourmm,
Um, yah, so Monday the 14th was my b-day.
You can see how often i use this thing. Well, since i still reside at my parent's house, i had to have permission to have a party. i wanted to have a bonfire, cuz us little pyros like to play with karosene and napalm. But the parents were being diffecult. Finally i was able to have the party but there was to be no alchohal, which really pissed me off. I didnt have time to go inviting people. The only friend from MCC there was Eric. My Hamlin buddies all came. It really sucked ass cuz it was raining. We were setting up a tent and the sky decided to piss on us. When lighting struck a tree we gave up. SO then i had to deal with 9 smelly wet people in my house playing Outburst and Scattergories. I was getting cranky and clostrophobic. Oh, yeah and on the way home Nate, Paul, and Chris hit a deer near my house. At least Nate got to have his deer jerky. Ewww. Yeah, not to mention the fact that the only people who gave a rip about my birthday were Mikey, Erin, Brandi, and Eric.
Yeah. |
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| Back and refreshed |
[Jun. 22nd, 2004|02:05 pm] |
Well, i'm back and i'm feeling revitalized. I got a much needed break from the hassels of everyday life. Too bad i had to leave early. The family was giving me a hard time abaout going camping. Yes. Me. i actually went camping. hard to believe i know. I only went cuz it was Homestar's birthday and i wanted to hang with my friends. Chely, Homie, and Katie are people i don't really get to see much these days. I'll admit i was a little whiney about the whole thing in the beginning. Bugs and snakes just aren't my thing. Not to even touch the subject of my acute arachnaphobia. Spiders. AAAHHHHHH! But we all crammed our asses into Homie and Chely's tent and if not to sleep i was at least able to survive a scarey night outdoors. It was funny. Katie had this friend Tom who was like 300 pounds and he tipped over the canoe. My cell phone didnt work anymore.
I had to leave on Saturday morning cuz the family was givigng me hell about going. I had a huge-ass fight with the mom and wrote her some letters with my personal thoughts and some song lyrics in plans of making my escape.
Well, i have to log on later to write about my horrible birthday tale. I also may put up the lyrics. |
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| It's been awhile |
[Jun. 13th, 2004|04:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 99 Red Balloons~~ Goldfinger | ] |
Wow! It's been a loooong time since i made an entry. That is cuz my computer is a piece of crrrap and i can only go online at my honey's house. i am a little depressed lately cuz tomorrow is my birthday and i feel so old. When objects hit two decades old, they become antique. I'm antique. I'm vintage. But i'm also classic. (yes, i will just keep telling myself that) Well, i really wanted to do something for my birthday like have a party or something but as always my mother has to be an unyeilding pain-in-the-arse and not let me have a party at the house of her and my stepfather. When finally i get permission to have a campfire or something, heaven decides to piss on me. So, here i am old and rusty, with nothing to look forward to. I am really bored, adn miss my friends. I finally got up the balls to talk to my manager at Wegmans so i can quit. I don't think i wil ever find a job that i am happy with. It was also mine and Mikey's 5 year anniversary on the 9th this month, but am getting impatient because we both want to get married but he hasnt gotten me my very pretty, very shiney engagement ring yet. Also i think his dad really doesnt want us to get married. At this point i think i am doomed to wander the earth alone forever without a job, or anything that could bring happiness. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 2nd, 2004|09:14 pm] |
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Well, i gotz my grades today. I got all A's and B'S except for Math. Damn that blasted math! My GPA is like a 3.0 and a bunch of other numbers. I'm not having MCC withdrawal yet. I got stuff to look forward too...finally. Mikey told me that i'm getting my full-time job in the end of June. I'm a janitor. :) I can finally quit my shitty job at Wegmans where they all hate me. It's sad too. They will be sorry they lost me. i am the best cake decorator they gotz, but i get treated like crap. I mean, i was really hoping to get a scholarship because i think i deserve it, but if they don't see me that way, then they just don't but i don't care. Hmmmm? what else? oh, yeah, i am getting my hair dyed hot pink for my birthday. It's on the 14th so it's coming up. OMIGAUD! I feel so old! I also just renewed my permit today, and had to take my written test all over again cuz it expired. Buy my goal is to have my liscense this summer. That has been my goal every summer for the last three years, but this summer i think i really will get it cuz mom is finally letting me touch the car. :) This weekend is Jeff's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFF! :) It's also the Wheelfest in Hamlin, on the 5th. So if anyone want to chill with me on Sat, make the trek out here. Hehehe |
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